


Don't Laugh At Them, Sam

by Sneery69



Series: SPN Prompt Exchange [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean's usual sexism, F/M, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 00:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3361295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sneery69/pseuds/Sneery69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam draws a much needed breath. His time has come. It was absolutely essential that he got the next sentence out without starting to howl with laughter. “Castiel, why don’t you explain to Dean why you find him so beautiful? He doesn’t seem to understand.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Laugh At Them, Sam

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Galadwen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galadwen/gifts).



> Written for Galadwen after our usual late-night prompt exchange.

They were sitting in a bar in Janesville, Wisconsin, trying to act like they were there for drinks and entertainment instead of vampires when the fateful discussion occurred.

Sam was scanning the small crowd at the bar, but couldn’t really discern anyone who looked like a threat or even just vaguely like they didn’t belong here. Dean was talking to Cas in that way he had where he would never look away from him even for a moment. Sam wondered if he ever noticed that he didn’t do this with anybody else. Cas was nodding along, probably listening attentively even though Sam doubted that he was overly interested in Dean’s ramblings about the wonders of the female body.

“…and if she is too loud too soon, you know she’s faking it, okay?” 

“Okay, Dean.”

“Right, and you need to tell her she’s beautiful, but only if you really think it’s true. Otherwise tell her something else, something flattering, okay? But be honest, I swear women can smell if you lie about that shit.”

Dean nods as if to congratulate himself on that fine lesson and takes a long sip of his beer. Sam tries not to roll his eyes and turns back towards the room, where a woman just entered the bar alone. It really shouldn’t be suspicious, but sadly is, in this kind of pub and in this part of town. 

She has a strange kind of beauty – there’s something alluring to her even though Sam wants to consider her too old to be his type. He’s instantly on guard and sees that Dean has noticed her, too. Sam nods to his brother, then takes his empty beer and one of Dean’s old glasses and stands up. Out of the corner of his eye, Sam can see Castiel reach for his knife, but Dean catches his hand. ‘Don’t laugh at them,’ Sam reminds himself, then quickly turns around before Dean can see his smirk.

He makes his way over to the bartender, who conveniently started to chat with the mysterious woman. “…No need to worry, Susan. I’m sure she will get over it.”

Sam frowns. He wouldn’t have expected for anyone to know her. Either she has recently been turned, or she is so clever and old that she knows how to hide bodies and keep suspicion away from her.

“Hey! I asked what I could get you.”

Sam shakes himself out of his thoughts and plasters on a smile. “Just another beer, please. And, maybe," he turns to the woman, tuning down his expression into something closer to hopeful, “if I could buy you a drink, Madam?”

She stares at him for a moment with eyes that are a lovely shade of brown, but then starts to laugh. “Did you hear that, Gus? Madam! Call me Susan, why don’t you? And I’ll take a Bloody Mary, thank you.”

Sam quickly draws his hand out of his trousers, where he rubbed his fingers against a clove of garlic. Castiel assured them that while not deadly or even overly inconvenient, vampires couldn’t stand the acids of fresh garlic. He offers his hands to Susan, who takes it and shakes it heartily, not seeming to notice anything. 

“I…uh, I’m Sam. Sam Huston. Would you excuse me for a moment? I’ll be right back, but I forgot my cellphone at our table.”

Susan waves him away with finely manicured fingers. “Go ahead, sweetie. But don’t leave me waiting too long!”

Sam gives her his most charming smile before he hurries over to Dean and Cas again, who, he can’t help but notice, are sitting ridiculously close to each other. He wonders if Dean will abandon his chair and go sit with Cas on the love seat anytime soon.

He pretends to rummage in Dean’s backpack while mumbling, “Garlic didn’t work. What’s the plan?”

Castiel now squints at the woman, sadly failing to do so unobtrusively. “That’s not our vampire, Sam.”

Dean frowns at him. “You sure? She seems rather suspicious.” 

Cas just shakes his head. “There’s nothing supernatural about her, Dean, although I think she’s quite interested in Sam for other reasons.”

Dean starts to laugh at that, unattractively snorting some beer out of his nose. “Well, I guess she used to be pretty, although I feel Sam could do better. How about the blonde over there?” 

Dean points at a girl at the far corner, sitting with two friends and appearing rather drunk. 

“Or what’s your opinion, Cas? Who’s the most attractive in here?”

Sam wonders why Dean always does this – trying to get Cas to have sex with women, when that’s clearly the opposite of what he really wants.

Cas shrugs, then gives the room a perfunctory once-over. “I don’t know, Dean. I think I find you to be the most beautiful person in here.”

There’s dead silence following the statement. Sam remembers to quickly dart his eyes over to Dean so as not to miss his reaction. ‘Not laughing, Sam. You can’t laugh yet.’

“I…I…,” Dean stutters, positively stutters, and can’t seem to rip his gaze away from Cas, who just stares at him calmly. Sam bites his lip.

“I didn’t…I don’t…”

Sam’s finger nails press into the palm of his hand. He tries to concentrate on the pain instead of on Dean’s slowly opening and closing mouth. ‘Not laughing…I’m not laughing…’

“I didn’t mean…I…”

Dean finally seems to gather his wits around him and wisely presses his lips together. Suddenly he can’t seem to stand Cas’ stare anymore – instead, he starts to fumble with one end of the plastic tablecloth, eyes darting here and there.

Sam draws a much needed breath. His time has come. It is absolutely essential that he gets the next sentence out without starting to howl with laughter. “Castiel, why don’t you explain to Dean why you find him so beautiful? He doesn’t seem to understand.” Sam quickly turns around to hide the big grin erupting on his face, clutching Dean’s smartphone hard.

“Of course. Well, Dean, at first there’s your beautiful soul, of course, but I’ve told you all about it, and you spoke of physical appearance earlier, I suppose. So I admit to liking the freckles on your nose best, although the particular shade of green in your eyes when you smile…”

Sam can’t help the silent laughter bubbling up his throat – he needs to clamp a hand over his mouth or this will be over. Out of the corner of his eyes, he notices the woman – Susan – waving at him from the bar, and he makes his way over to her with the feeling that this night might end enjoyable for all of them.

__

It doesn’t, of course. The vampire shows up after all, and they need to kill him in the grimy back alley of the bar when he tries to flee. It’s a bloody business, especially because Dean isn’t exactly focused on the task at hand, but Sam finally manages to behead him. His clothes are too soiled to go back to Susan, but he really, really wants to spend the night with her. Thankfully, she had given him her number, so he tries to construct a reasonably charming text, telling her that he needs to head home for a moment but that he’d like to meet her in the motel bar, maybe?

Meanwhile, Cas fusses over Dean, who sports several nasty gashes on his neck and thighs. Sam tries not to notice how Dean’s breath seems to come faster and his cheeks get redder when Cas starts palming his uppers legs to take stock of the damage.

“Uh, guys? I’m…I meet Susan at the motel, so if you could…I don’t know…take another room, maybe?”

Sam should be past the point of turning red himself, but sadly, he isn’t. To Dean’s credit, he doesn’t say anything, only nods and gives him a weak thumbs-up. The idiot at least knows when to hold his tongue. Cas doesn’t react at all, but then again, his hands seem to have found their way to Dean’s hips.

“I…uh. I’ll walk. See you tomorrow.” Sam bolts, but not before giving Dean a suggestive eyebrow and a thumbs-up himself.

__

The End


End file.
